Talking to your child about tragedy

With the latest tragedy occurring in Tucson, Arizona, it is a reminder of how loss can occur at any moment. Regardless of the tragic event, whether it be a shooting, a natural disaster, or an act of terror, the result can be devastating and confusing for everyone at every age. 

As adults, we can easily become overwhelmed with grief and sadness. How are children supposed to cope with such feelings that tragedy evokes? Children can become confused, fearful, and anxious when listening about or witnessing a tragic event. The following list focuses on ways to talk with your child about tragedy.

5 tips to consider when talking to your child about a tragedy

1. Be aware of how much your child is getting exposed to. Know when enough is enough.
2. Consider what is age appropriate.
3. Understand your child's temperament.
4. Provide safety and security to help stabilize your child's feelings and sense of trust.
5. Include your own self-care. Taking care of yourself, the caregiver, is essential.

It may be challenging to prevent your child from viewing images from a tragic event; however, be conscious of the amount of news coverage your child may be taking in. Know when enough is enough by limiting the amount of information they are exposed to. Viewing multiple images or watching continuous news coverage from a tragic event may become too distressing for a child to continue to process.

Your child's ability to cope with a tragic event has a lot to do with his or her age and temperament. Consider what is age appropriate. Younger children may not need or be able to understand what is happening. At times you may consider not exposing them to raw footage or information that is geared towards adults. Cognitively an older child or adolescent may be more likely to understand what had occurred and be able to talk about how they are feeling. A younger child may not be able to express his or her feelings through conversation and will more likely process through the act of play. The important message here is to be aware of what your child is witnessing and make yourself available to talk with your child appropriately.

Like previously mentioned, take your child's temperament into consideration. A more sensitive, anxious, or fearful child may have a more difficult time adjusting to tragedy. Be sensitive to your child's needs and ability to cope.

Providing an environment of safety and security is essential in helping your child cope effectively. Be accessible and available to your child. Processing through a tragic event is not a one time occurrence. Keep the lines of communication open. Your child may have multiple questions, thoughts, and feelings at various times and will rely on you to continue to support their adjustment.

As a parent, make sure you are getting support and taking care of your physical and emotional needs. At times you can put all of your attention on protecting and supporting your child, when in fact, the way you process your own loss, grief, and sadness is just as important. If you have ever been on an airplane, the airline crew always instructs adults to put on their oxygen masks first before helping a child. They require this because they want to make sure the adult is taken care of first so they can be of assistance to others around them. The same scenario fits in this situation. It is essential for you to take care of yourself so you can help your child.

Lastly, consider working with a professional counselor. The benefits from counseling are great for both adults and children alike. Dealing with tragedy can be difficult and there are people in your community willing to help you and your family through those difficult times.