A New Year, A New You

I know many people who were eagerly awaiting 2012. Were you one of them?

Growing up I remember driving in the back seat of the car with my parents. I was gazing out the side window and saw images in a neighbor's yard of a Grim Reaper character on one end and a new born baby with a sash wrapped around its body with the year on it on the other side of the yard. It wasn't until recently that I connected this (which I hesitate to admit), the grim reaper was actually Father Time. I didn't really understand what those two figures meant back then. However, now I share in the feelings those images represent today.

The kids are gone, now what?

In the last post, I wrote about the transition of sending your children away to college. Today's post is a follow up with a focus on the parents who are left behind. Many people joke about the relief of having the house all to themselves once children are gone and while that may be the case, the house can be awfully quiet and lonely at the same time. No longer is the hustle and bustle flowing in and out of your house, rather, it's time to establish a new pace.

This time can be especially difficult on parents, this is what we call the Empty Nest Syndrome. The Empty Nest Syndrome is characterized by feelings of loneliness and depression when your children leave home. Transitions and changes are difficult and it's a time to redefine your role. Your identity as super mom or super dad can move more to the side and energy towards other relationships can be the focus of your attention.

Sending kids away to college

Growing up my mom would always celebrate this time of year. There was a Staples back-to-school commercial that would show a dad gliding on a shopping cart through the aisles with his head flung back and a wide grin on his face while his children begrudgingly walked behind him with their own soured expression. He was thrilled for his kids to return to school, while the children clearly were not. Meanwhile, the song, "It's the most wonderful time of the year," would play in the background. My mom would laugh and laugh each time that commercial came on! However, when it was time for me to go away to college, that laughter turned into tears...for my mom and for me.

When "I'm sorry" just isn't enough

What do you do when you mess up, hurt someone's feelings, or offend your partner? Do you become defensive, disengage, or attack? As humans, we are bound to mess up and, at the same time, we can make things right. However, making things better doesn't always come easy.

One factor in making things better is an apology. In my experience, I've come across 5 different types of people when it comes to apologies (this is not an exhaustive list nor has it been verified by research, these are my own descriptions):

• The Over-Apologizer
• The "I'm-sorry-BUT..."
• The "I'm-sorry-IF..."
• The Never Apologizer
• The Sincere Apologizer

March Madness, Play Fair

Typically we don't watch tv, but for the last week our eyes have been glued to the screen! It's March Madness, one of our favorite times of the year...one of the NCAA regional tournaments has been housed in our very own Time Warner Arena in Charlotte! Talk about exciting!

One of the best parts about the games is the nail biting finish watching players throw last minute shots to break a tie, separating the winning team from the losing team. Basketball is an amazing sport, highlighting talented players!

Relationships can learn from the basketball play books. The secret to having a winning team is in preparation, practice, and playing fair. The following three tips show how relationships can grow from the same strategies that college basketball players use to improve their game and strengthen their teamwork.

Bullying and Protecting your Kids

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me," was a clever saying I learned growing up. Truth is words do hurt; words deeply penetrate our vulnerable selves. To help protect others from the hurt and loss bullying causes, the White House created a new anti-bullying initiative. Bullying can take many forms, such as using power to intimidate another, including physical violence, verbal and non-verbal abuse (e.g., name-calling, teasing, threatening looks).

As I think about this topic, bullying, I remember a time in my life when I was the one bullied and, at times, I was the one bullying. Neither scenario do I like to remember, but it illustrates the complexity experienced in either role. In third grade, it was very important to be part of a group of girls. We had our "leader" and it was important to be on her good side. Each week, however, one of the girls in the group was on the "out." When it was my turn to be "out" it felt miserable. None of the girls played with me, they said cruel things, I was a nobody. I remember scrambling at home trying to make something and take back to school the next day as a way to buy their friendship back. Once I got back "in" I felt a sense of belongingness and safety. But me being "in" meant some other girl was "out." Being part of the group, I went along with being the bully. Knowing how  powerless it was to be on the out, I enjoyed the new found power I felt within the group. No, it was not fair nor was it right...in either role. To this day, as an adult, I still feel a sense of shame when I trace back to that time and view my roles as the one bullied and the one who bullied.

In today's day and age, bullying has taken on more power and is more far-reaching than during the time I was a child. Due to multiple online social outlets, bullying can travel with speed, be more public, and have anonymity. We can start shifting this harmful culture of abuse, by identifying some of the myths that keep bullying in power. 

Spring cleaning. Clear the way for good things.

Growing up in Arizona for most of my life, the weather stayed sunny and warm, if not hot, most of the year. Experiencing 4 months of bone-chilling cold, gray skies, and occasional snow days has got me fantasizing about becoming a "snow bird." Needless to say, I'm still adjusting to the winter season in the Carolinas. Thankfully, spring is just around the corner!

Springtime is notorious for making a checklist about things to clean, clear, or just get rid of. Putting your house list aside, when was the last time you spring cleaned your life? Envision yourself beginning a new season feeling uncluttered, renewed, and fresh!

Here's a spring cleaning checklist for you to consider as you go into this new season of sun and warmth!