Suicide: Tips for parents with grieving tweens

Suicide. The word alone is frightening. It's frightening because it signifies the loss of a person, the loss of relationships, and leaves heartache, confusion, and disbelief in return. According to the Center for Disease Control, suicide was in the top 10 causes of death in the United States in 2010.

I have two middle-schoolers and one elementary-aged child who keep me very active. Each night when we get home from school, I ask them what they learned and what happened. Last night the normal answers, "...so-and-so did this or that" was replaced by, "...there was a student who committed suicide today." Immediately a lump grew in my throat and my eyes became teary. Few words will send chills down the spine or send tears to the eyes of a parent like hearing that your child's classmate has committed suicide. My heart ached for the classmate, for the parents and family, and for our community.

With recent suicides in two area schools, you might find yourself wondering how to explain something like this to your tween, teen, or "young adult."

Bullying and Protecting your Kids

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me," was a clever saying I learned growing up. Truth is words do hurt; words deeply penetrate our vulnerable selves. To help protect others from the hurt and loss bullying causes, the White House created a new anti-bullying initiative. Bullying can take many forms, such as using power to intimidate another, including physical violence, verbal and non-verbal abuse (e.g., name-calling, teasing, threatening looks).

As I think about this topic, bullying, I remember a time in my life when I was the one bullied and, at times, I was the one bullying. Neither scenario do I like to remember, but it illustrates the complexity experienced in either role. In third grade, it was very important to be part of a group of girls. We had our "leader" and it was important to be on her good side. Each week, however, one of the girls in the group was on the "out." When it was my turn to be "out" it felt miserable. None of the girls played with me, they said cruel things, I was a nobody. I remember scrambling at home trying to make something and take back to school the next day as a way to buy their friendship back. Once I got back "in" I felt a sense of belongingness and safety. But me being "in" meant some other girl was "out." Being part of the group, I went along with being the bully. Knowing how  powerless it was to be on the out, I enjoyed the new found power I felt within the group. No, it was not fair nor was it right...in either role. To this day, as an adult, I still feel a sense of shame when I trace back to that time and view my roles as the one bullied and the one who bullied.

In today's day and age, bullying has taken on more power and is more far-reaching than during the time I was a child. Due to multiple online social outlets, bullying can travel with speed, be more public, and have anonymity. We can start shifting this harmful culture of abuse, by identifying some of the myths that keep bullying in power.